a break from reality..

it's been a little after a month since i've been single and i can say that life has gotten easier for the most part. yet there is still many little things that i seem to hold onto by a thread. i don't know what it is but i alway find myself in the same position. i open up too easily. i chase after something that has no worth. why is that? im sure im not the only girl out there who feels like this in life. we chase after something that treats us so ridiculously horrible because in our mind we see the good of their trait. as much as i don't want to be that kind of girl, i find myself running after something unattainable. i remember in high school, i think my personal statement was about how i don't give up that easily to achieving something that seem unattainable... but that's different. I'm 21 years old, i can't seem to just move on. it sucks so bad to still think and feel something micro size that it can still blossom to something beautiful.  i'm so just tired of believing. i don't want to have faith anymore. i some times wish i was a robot who had no emotions and just be plain and simple. i'm just so tired of  feeling like this. aside from this, i cant seem to see brighter side this dark long journey of school. school is my main priority out of anything in life, but i'm going so much obstacles in life that it makes this long journey never ending. I just dont wanna feel that i've wasted a lot in my life. i'm a hard working person, but this journey of school makes me feel like im not working hard enough on so many levels.

I JUST WANT TO BE A HAPPIER PERSON. but how can that possible when the one thing that made me happy is gone. when he was my escape from reality when things was going wrong. i just want the pieces to go back to its  whole piece...

it's like nails against a chalkboard

It's that stupid day. the 14th of february. Valentine's day, the day of love. But what is love? I've always dislike this day. Why reserve a day to express you're true feelings to someone you "love" when you should always be displaying or recognizing your affection towards him/her. Valentines day should only come every 4 years just like a leap day..  that's just my opinion about valentines day.

I'm recently single and miserable. This time around is when being single suck ass especially when your heart was recently shattered into pieces. I know I shouldn't sob around and just move on with my life but it's always easier said than done. I spent a whole year with someone who affected my life immensely. and to have end it in such a harsh way, makes every second of my life heavier. I know I deserve better. We all do, especially those who took the risk of loving someone with everything they have.

GAME 1 LAKERS- lets go

So game 1 today! pretty exciting. This pregame talk is hilarious. It's quite obvious they believe that they are going for the Lakers. I love how Magic Johnson talks; I agree with merely everything he says. My thoughts about Lakers making it this year, I believe it's possible. It's a perfect way for redemption. Lakers go! Enough said. Lakers got it everything.

BACKK!

So it's been like how many years? I stil have my xanga. I know there's hella other new website/blogsites like blogspot,twitter, myspace, fb, etc. but I like this site. I'm going to try blogging here once in a while since I have more time on my hand.

Let's see. Where to begin? Well, last time I blog was probably back in my Junior year of High School. Looking back at these past blogs, it makes me laugh and reminisce the old times.

So what's new? Well I'm  on my summer vacation. I just ended my second year of college as a Nursing major at the University of San Francisco [get it right; it's not SF STATE of UCSF; it's USF]. This past spring semester was really an EYE-OPENING experience. A lot of time and dedication was spent making sure I was on track with my school. It's summer time. & that means I'm half way done. I can't even believe it. School is going by so freaking fast. I scared to death to tell you the truth. I'm scared of so many things. I'm scared of failure. I don't know if this is the right thing for me. I don't want to back down because I've made it so far and I feel like I know I can make it. I'm just so scared of the final out come that I have face like not passing the HESI & the NCLEX [then you know there's the college loans I have to pay] ayyyy

Aside from school, I am jobless. I stopped working for WAMU back in September of 2008. I was working for them bitch-ass since I was 16 [ya WAMU employee for 3 freaking years]. I've venture out of the banking system and tried working in retail as a sales associate for Victoria's Secret and MACY'S. I don't know. Sometime I wish I didn't quit WAMU, but then again I don't think I would not have done well in my Sophomore year of college. Now I just wish I can find a part time job for the summer. I really need it. My dad got laid off his work the same time I quit WAMU, I ended up using all the money that I saved to pay off some expenses. =[

What else? well, the house is being put back on the market. Ya I have been living in this house for 5 or so years. It makes me sad because I have a feeling that if they do buy this house, I have to move somewhere. I don't know where. I love the location of my house. It is close to everything (except to USF).

**SIGH** on a brighter note umm. THE LAKERS ARE CHAMPIONS ON THE WESTERN CONFERENCE yeee. I really do hope they win the FINALS this year. sorry but I have to say  LEBRONS&theCAVS don't have a chance to beat the MAGIC haha. Watching the NBA playoffs has been my life this pass weeks lol. Sucks cus I don't have cable so I watch it online, but since I switched internet companies, this new one wasn't as good as the old one. Since my summer vacation started I have been spending a lot of time with my BF in the eastbay. It's a lot exciting than staying home.

SUMMER GOALS.

1)workout- gain them muscles

2)get a job

3)study/read my pathophysiology; do well in summer school

4)go places

5)get dark

PLACES I WANT TO GO THIS SUMMER:

1)santa cruz

2)great america

3)great mall/other malls/outlets

4)So Cal? Utah?

5)make a club appearance. I've been MIA for too long

I think that is all I have to say. Wish me luck on everything. I wish the Lakers the very best. They deserve to win =]